Better Than Marriage Counseling

We did premarital counseling and it was a great investment. We knew it wasn’t our job to change the other person. The fact that my sweetie hated peas, mushrooms, camping, beets, sweet potatoes, changing the oil, succotash, baked beans, bird watching, Mexican food, being late, sushi, Moussaka, and wearing shorts or sandals even in the hottest weather, was not that big of a deal. Really.

Still, after we tied the knot, a few oddities showed up. Dear Hubbie hates fixing things, and comes to quick conclusions. I love noodling something out, and ponder every possibility before making a decision. D.H. was a money burns a hole in your pocket kind of guy, I was, for lack of a better word, a skinflint. After the initial shock, we’ve come to appreciate the differences. And we’ve learned from each other.

During the early budgeting years we added one category that’s saved us a ton of strife and discouragement, even during the leanest of times. Sort of like the steam vent on a pressure cooker. We’ve labeled it “Personal Mad Money”.

In our budget, every category is covered, directed savings included. And every paycheck we get our P.M.M. in cash. $5. To do with whatever our little ol’ hearts desire no questions asked. For $20 a month we save untold marriage counseling fees. That’s the kind of bargain I can wrap my head around.

Passive Budgeting

You don't get rich by what you earn. You get rich by what you don't spend.
- Henry Ford

When you think of Henry Ford you think of his Model T, the first mass produced car. By using an assembly line he was able to produce a good product in less time and thus make it affordable for the masses. He further streamlined the process by offering “any color as long as it’s black”. What you may not know is he specified the dimensions for crates his mechanical parts were shipped to the factory in. So instead of cutting more wood for the floor boards, he just took apart the boxes and used them in the car.

A lady wrote to Dollar Stretcher describing how she tracks her non-spending on a white board in her living room. If she comes home and makes supper instead of buying take out, she calculates the difference and writes down what she saved that day. She should show some impressive results by year end.

One mom had her kids clip coupons and compare prices on goods on her shopping list. They were given the difference. You can bet they scrutinized the Sunday papers and kept the coupon box in order.

Granted, it’s easier to make a budget and spend up to it, than keep track of what’s not spent. But the second is more encouraging. So think about what you don’t spend. It may give you just the boost you need.

Needs Vs. Wants

In the personal finance realm, this is the line that separates frugal wimps from triple black belt tightwads. It cuts to heart priorities. What must I have to be content? What must I have to survive? If I lose everything, will I really die? (As in, "I’ll die if I don’t have a cell phone.") It’s a useful exercise to take a sharp look at expenditures and priorities and align them with what they should be. Standard budgeting procedure.

A long time ago I co-taught a junior high Sunday school class. My friend Ruth used an ice breaker involving index cards. Each student wrote down the five most important things in their lives, one to a card. We formed a circle with our chairs. And so the story goes, disaster struck. A fire took one. They threw that card in onto the floor. A robber took another. Another discard. A flood took a third. An accident took the fourth. They were left with one card apiece. "Is this one thing the most important thing in your life? If it isn’t your relationship to Christ, it will not last." From there we segwayed into an overview of Job’s life, who having lost children, wealth, flocks, servants, health, the respect of his wife and friends, could still say, "the Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord". So what do I really need?